As the matter of fact I’ve always been afraid, that I never would be healed, but God is a really wonderful God and nothing is impossible for him!!

Some people would think that my life started out pretty well. I grew up in a “Christian” family, attending church every Sunday, and in all I seemed like a happy Christian girl.

Through the years my family became a “war zone” family, and to me God seemed to be far away. I had a very bad relationship to my father, due to the fact that he had messed things up in our family. Even though we were living under the same roof, I barely new him.

When I was 14, I got a depression, caused by all the problems in our family and my very low self-esteem. I couldn’t live up to my own expectations.

I believe that I always have had an unhealthy image of my body. I had been a competition swimmer for some years, and always very very slim, and I really liked it, even though I new was way underweight.

When I stopped swimming at the age of 14, then as a law of nature I started gaining weight, and it really scared me! I had always been used to be skinny and I didn’t wanted to be fat, so I started having a “pro-anorexia” way of thinking. I really wanted to have anorexia, so I could be skinny, but for me it was also a cry of help to the people around me.  When I got the depression it got much worse, and I started getting suicidal thoughts and started hurting myself. I hated everything about myself. 

At the age of 15 I got really sick and avoided to eat in all possible situations. The thing with Anorexia is, that you desire to be skinny, but you will never be satisfied. You will first be satisfied, when you are 0 kilos! Everything seemed dark and sad to me. The only place I could be, where I would feel a little peace, was in my church, but I wasn’t able to stay there for a long time with other people, otherwise I would get an anxiety attack.

Even though I knew, that God was real, I just couldn’t give myself to Him. I was living a life behind masks being someone else towards other people, than how a really felt and was, and with time and had no idea of, who I was anymore. I the midst of all this I also got knee damage. I became more and more desperate to be free, but all tries failed, and I lost all hope, and just wanted to die.

When the time got close to my 16^th birthday, I attended a Christian meeting, where I met a couple, who without knowing me, invited me home to live with them and their 4 children, so they could help me. Without knowing these people, my parents and I agreed that I would move to this family, because I knew, that it was a choice between life and death.

When I moved in, I got a chock. I had no idea, that a family could function that well, and was surprised about, how much these people really cared about me, despite all my problems and mistakes.

I experienced how God took me back in His arms and showed me love and forgiveness, and a process of healing started. It hasn’t been easy, it has cost a prize for me to be completely free.

The healing took place in many ways. People have prayed for me and set me free many times, but other times I have had to pray myself, fight and take my freedom.

I wasn’t healed from Anorexia momentally. Not at all.

In the beginning they forced me to eat, and eat everything, which was served. Not because I really felt for eating, I just did it in faith, that God would do a miracle.

Then I had to learn, what the Bible says about me, that I am created in the image of God, I am the apple of His eye, that He has good plans for me, not evil plans, that God is good all the time, and today it is the day of salvation, today God will heal me!

4 years passed by, where I got much better. I knew all the scriptures, I knew, I was created in the image of God, but no matter what people said, and no matter how hard I tried to be free, I still had the fear of gaining weight, and it was driving me mad! I couldn’t understand, that after all the effort, prayer and tears, that God hadn’t healed me completely yet, and many times I got to the point, where I thought, that it would be much easier to give up and be sick again, and I had to make the choice of hanging on instead many many times.

Around April 2006 I got so desperate! I couldn’t believe that God hadn’t healed me completely, when the Bible says, that He will heal all diseases. I cried and cried, and started to feel depressed. I was so desperate for God to heal me. I would do anything to be completely healed. I didn’t want to be a part of the statistic saying, that all, who has suffered with a eating disorder will be struggling with the fear of gaining weight for the rest of their lives.

Then Benny Hinn came to Copenhagen in order to have a crusade, and luckily I attended the second meeting. That evening God healed me from severe back pain during the worship, and Benny Hinn told everybody, who has been healed, to come to the stage and tell their testimony. So I went forth, and somehow I got to the stage. I didn’t get the chance to say anything, before Benny Hinn prayed for me, and I was delivered from a spirit of fear.

Ever since that evening I have been completely free!! I haven’t had any thoughts, fear or what so ever!

Now more than a year has passed by, and I am still completely free.

Now I have experienced that EVERYTHING is possible for God, and now matter how impossible your situation is, He can turn it around! You just need to be desperate, and then He will give you your miracle!

God bless you all in Estonia

Michelle

Here is sister Michelle's email address don't hesitate to get in contact with her when you have problems with eating disorders. sshe knowswhat kind of a hell it is to have Anorexia, and there is nothing more that she  wants but to help people who are struggling with eating disorders!