A few quick tips will help you arrange your dream marriage. Did you know that you should never criticize your spouse?!
Dear Rabbi Broide!
I am not a religious person, and besides, I am a Jew, but I have been reading the breslev.co.il website with great interest for almost 3 years, and I feel that it helps me in life and provides answers to many questions. Anyway, I’m going to get married now – literally in 3 weeks – and this is after 36 years of a bachelor life. I remember reading about a man who asked a Jewish sage to teach him the entire Torah while he was standing on one leg. I guess I’ll ask you for something similar. And yet, could you give me some general guidelines to guarantee happiness in a future marriage? I appreciate your time and attention.
Sincerely,
Tom S.,
North Carolina.
Dear Tom,
First of all, I recommend that you read Rav Shalom Arush’s classic marriage manual for men, which I had the honor of translating, The Garden of Peace[1]. I bet you won’t regret it.
As for the answer to your question, yes, yes: there are several universal recommendations that work in any marriage, regardless of the religious or cultural heritage of people. If you follow these simple tips, your wife will be happy and your relationship with her will flourish and grow stronger. True love is impossible without real commitment to each other. This is the first thing that you and your chosen one should realize at the very beginning of your marriage. Here are some win-win tips for you (if you follow them, I promise you a happy and strong family home for you and your wife until the age of 120). 🙂
1. Never criticize your wife no matter what. In an atmosphere free from criticism, she will blossom emotionally and then she will do everything in her power to please you. So, in the end, you will not have any reason to criticize.
2. Never speak ill of her parents or family. Invite your in-laws on your spouse’s side at least once a week. If you develop a good relationship with them, your wife will always think highly of you.
3. Never say “no” to your wife. If she asks for something that you cannot afford, then tell her that you will get it for her as soon as you have the money for it.
4. Spare no time for your wife! Spend at least half an hour a day listening to your wife – it may not even be a conversation, but just a listening. Show her that her life is important to you. If possible, you should find an hour a day for quality time together (sitting in front of the TV with beer and bagels is not considered as such!).
5. Let your wife be your first priority in life and everything else after.
6. Agree on a mutually acceptable third party (a priest or any person you respect and trust), with whom you will find a compromise in your differences.
7. Never speak disparagingly of your wife to anyone.
8. If your wife is angry with you, don’t get annoyed. After all, she is your mirror and she only reflects you. Her anger and discontent, as a rule, is a sign that the Almighty is not pleased with you either. Instead of arguing with her, do a soul-searching and try to re-establish a friendship with her. You will see things change for the better.
9. Always smile at your wife and try your best to speak softly to her. Nothing annoys a wife more than an angry husband.
10. Constantly strengthen your whole faith in the Creator and your trust in Him. This will help you develop your inner strength. What women really love and appreciate in a husband is, in essence, his inner strength, on which they can rely. They hate it when their husbands are emotional weaklings who lean on them. Whole faith in the Creator is what will make you strong.
I think the list above could be called the “Ten Commandments for a Husband.” Thanks to you, Tom, with God’s help, we wrote them. I wish you and your bride all happiness and true harmony in your life together. Be blessed!
By Rabbi Eliezer Broide.
Source: 10 заповедей хорошего мужа – Breslev
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