Since the percentage of religious divorces is approaching the level of divorces in the world, I believe it is important to make such a “memo” to single women looking for a serious relationship. I saw many women experience heartache because they did not listen to their spiritual leaders who advised them not to marry. Out of all the many reasons for divorce, I have chosen these five points, the five red flags that are ignored by those sisters who marry the “wrong man”.
1. He doesn’t care about God
It’s surprising how many women ignore this basic caution. But I think it’s because of lack of male attention or looking for the father they never had. Don’t get me wrong, he may seem interested in God for a while… until he leads you to the altar. Then prepare for weekly Sunday morning battles when he’s more interested in a sports game than church.
Marriage is not an opportunity for evangelism, nor is it a field for propaganda. God takes marriage so seriously that He tells you that you cannot be unequally yoked: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? What does light have in common with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
After deciding to follow Christ, getting married is the second most important decision you can make in life.
2. Your spiritual leaders or pastors think marrying him is a bad idea
I have seen families being created despite the warnings of spiritual leadership. Most often, such marriages end in divorce or come to the brink of dissolution. When my husband Jerome asked for my hand in marriage, I first consulted several managers. I asked about his character. Every single one of them gave my future groom glowing feedback, praising his honesty, loyalty and commitment. Their opinions were a sign to me that he was “the one” for me.
3. Your parents don’t like him
My mother always talked about how her parents hated my father. Yes, he was the same 29-year-old man who seduced a 15-year-old girl to marry him against her parents’ wishes! Clearly they hated him. Many years later, she regretted not listening to her parents.
My grandparents were not practicing Christians, but I believe God warns parents against men who do not have the best motives for their daughter. When my mother first met Jerome, she immediately liked him. Jerome won my parents’ hearts and their consent to allow me to marry him. That was another sign for me: Jerome is the right one.
4. He doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t stay at any job for long
I had a guy pay for my lunch with food stamps. Although he was religious, this was a sign to me from the Lord that he was not a candidate for a serious relationship. If you have to pay for yourself during your relationship or help him financially because he can’t find a job, then he is not a suitable candidate for marriage. He may pray in tongues and read a lot of the Bible, but if he can’t hold down a job, that’s a red flag that says something about his character.
One of my friends met a man at the unemployment office. I told him that the unemployment office was not the best place to meet a man. She dated him, but their relationship ended because he still couldn’t find a job.
The Bible says if you don’t work, don’t eat. Having a work ethic is a must for anyone you consider a bridegroom: “For even when we were with you, we commanded you, ‘Whoever does not want to work, let him not eat!'” (2 Thessalonians 3:10)
5. He has an addiction
A friend of mine married a man who had a problem with internet pornography. She found out about it only after several years of marriage, when they already had children. The man did not want to go to counseling to solve the problem, and eventually they divorced.
A man addicted to pornography, drugs or alcohol is not a suitable candidate for marriage. He may tell you that he is going to go to counseling or that he wants God to deliver him from his addiction – because that is what you want to hear. But until he is free from addiction, he is not “the one”.
Please, do not compromise on these points. I have seen so much pain in families where women married against the advice of wise leaders or where they chose an addicted man as their husband. Listen to your spiritual leaders and elders. And most importantly, don’t make excuses for him. He is not “the one”.
By Leilani Haywood / Charisma Magazine Online
Source: 5 признаков того, что жених – не “тот самый” от Господа (ieshua.org)
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