The road to disaster is well known. Millions of men from different cultures have walked this path for thousands of years.
Solomon wrote of a young man’s journey into trouble in Proverbs 7, where the young man “finds” a woman and is seduced by desire and her skills. During my 25-year career, I have had the unique experience of counseling thousands of men who have reached this path of sexual disaster.
Here are six principles to help you stay on track:
1. Fear God
God is love, and after all, He must be honored for creating you and giving you blessings in life. This is a God to be feared. When we fear God, we hate evil (Proverbs 8:13). The hatred of evil is the result of the fear of God. Remember that when you were a teenager, you knew there were certain things you should not do, because knowing your father’s attitude, you knew perfectly well that it would have consequences.
Today, in the luxuries and pleasures of our lives and our churches, we rarely hear of God’s reverence and reverence for Him. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I heard a sermon on godliness. I warmly recommend taking the time to study at some point what the Word says about the fear of the Lord. There are so many benefits to a God-fearing heart. One of them is that you run away from evil, not entertaining it.
2. Be honest
Being honest about your past sex life can be healing. In addition, as you look at and explore your sexual past, you may see certain cycles that can help you break down the patterns or behaviors that currently exist in your life. Being honest is very important if you don’t want to go down that road or stay that way. Honesty can distract you from this path or even prevent you from wandering this path.
3. Talk to your wife
The woman God gives us as a wife is amazing. Mostly she’s on our side. She wants her marriage and family to be successful and last a lifetime. She married us to live happily ever after.
In most cases, women respond correctly to the truth, especially if it is shared at an early stage. If you hide the fact that you are secretly watching porn, it will hurt her, but not as much as he would know that you have a relationship with another woman.
No marriage is perfect. Talking to your spouse about family problems is helpful and also a sign that you also want your marriage to work and be successful. If you are faced with something you cannot decide on, look for a mentor, pastor, or Christian counselor.
Often, the presence of another person helps to clarify the issues you are facing, and it also turns out that there are more views to offer solutions. The presence of other participants in the process may also include responsibilities that would be lacking if the couple were “on their own” and could positively change the dynamics of marital problems.
4. Don’t believe that everything can be kept secret
I’m amazed at how many people believe in secrets. They believe that because everything is secret, the truth is magically hidden. It’s like a dog covering his head with his paws, thinking that because he can’t see us, we can’t see him either. Jesus taught that what we do in secret is proclaimed from the rooftops (Luke 12: 3).
Revelation 2:23 teaches us that God knows our hearts, thoughts, and actions. Hebrews 12: 1 says that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. Let me be clear: there is no such thing as a secret. You may have a period of lust and sin, but like a seed in the soil, it will surely grow and manifest.
I know some men think they are smarter than their wife or the rest of the people around them. However, you are not wiser than God. He is very creative, and if you refuse to be honest, He can create such circumstances that the truth will come out and become known to all. Believe me, in 25 years I have seen the work of His hands. I have heard stories of women who saw in a dream exactly what their husband was doing; the children found a site where the father watched pornography or his e-mails to girlfriends, a woman who had a relationship came to God, repented, and sought forgiveness from the wife of the man she had an affair.
I could tell you hundreds of pages of stories about how spouses who believed in secrets got caught. They were big businessmen earning hundreds of millions of dollars, professional athletes, spiritual leaders of vast services, politicians, doctors, lawyers – list is endless.
People at the top of their careers believed that something could be kept a secret.
I taught my children to believe that everything they do in secret, as well as any wrong, will come out and they will be caught. Believing that you will be 100% caught is the best and healthiest way to live, and it will prevent everyone from getting into trouble, be it fornication or adultery.
5. Imagine the worst
I find this very useful, especially for men who occasionally indulge in fantasies, pornography and masturbation and think they will never cross the border when creating a stage and paving the way for disaster.
I tell them, let’s just say you really cheated in your marriage. Firstly, I ask them to make a list of all the people who would be affected if it came out. This list should include the past, present and future. People you grew up with, friends, family members, children, grandchildren, past, present, and future colleagues, neighbors, pastors, ward members, people you have served, and so on. This list can easily include up to a hundred people, especially if you realize that each of them shares this news with their friends and hairdressers. If they have not yet added Him to their list, please add Jesus and God the Father.
Then take each person and imagine two things. First, imagine how they feel the moment they hear the news of your fall. They may experience sadness, rage, frustration, and they may feel betrayed, deceived, and insignificant.
Second, write down the consequences of your behavior in life. These consequences can be financial, as it will definitely affect your business, your inability to go to university, your son’s loss of respect, a sexually transmitted disease, or an unwanted pregnancy.
It is the power of one person’s decision. It is helpful to see the huge impact of your decision. Knowing that the consequences of my fall do not only affect those close to me makes me want to protect them from this pain and keep them out of trouble.
6. Signs “Exit” and “Entrance”
There are exit signs above the doors in every public building you enter. Many, if not all, states require that they be illuminated so that they are easy to spot. Many buildings also have entrance signs on the doors to enter. A building can have many doors, but usually only one door is marked as the entrance.
This is a very simple concept that most men can easily understand. Every woman, except your wife or future wife, has an exit sign. What do I mean by that? It’s easy, if you move sexually with another woman, you are out of God’s best plan for your life. When you are married, you will most likely leave God’s only and sovereign will in your life: your wife.
So if you’re in a mall, department store, restaurant, or even a church and you notice you’re looking at someone wrongly, just imagine an exit sign above their head. If you consider a brunette to be the object of your desires or feel the desire for her, imagine a sign of an exit above her head, because that way you know for sure that you are going out of God’s best plan for your life and it is a slip down the slope that leads you trouble.
Understanding the sign “entrance” is as important as the sign “exit”. Your wife, and only she — or your future wife — is a signpost to all of God’s blessings. No matter what mood she is in right now, she is only meant for romantic and sexual expression. I know there are hard days; remember that I am not only a psychologist but also a husband and the father of a daughter. People are not perfect, but you can be absolutely sure that you are God’s will if all your romance and sexuality is directed at your wife.
So the next time you look at your wife, try to imagine an “ENTRY” sign above her head. I believe it can even change your mood and you will realize that it is a gift to you now and in the future. You deserve God’s best, which means staying on the path with your spouse or future spouse and maintaining the best possible relationship.
Author: Douglas Weiss / charismamag.com