Question: If people marry unbelievers, how does that affect a person’s calling and salvation? Everything can look good on the outside. Other believers look at them and think that it is not scary but completely normal
Answered by Nadezhda Ulyanenko: For me, this question is related to the issue of the border of interference and non-interference in people’s personal lives. There was a case where a man chose another person who was an unbeliever. If they ask me about non-intervention, in such a situation where intervention is necessary, I cannot say: “I categorically forbid you to do so.” Even if a person says, “I want to get high or drink alcohol,” I can’t say: “I categorically forbid you to do that.” The Scriptures are clear about what is white and what is black. Of course, I understand that this is a sin, but I cannot forbid a person.
Sometimes people ask for advice, but they’ve already made up their mind. You tell a person that this is wrong, bad, this action has consequences, but how to prohibit? How to forbid it and in what way to do it? You can’t forbid it, because then you will be the one to blame. But if a person marries an unbeliever then other problems begin. Then people come to their spiritual mentor sincerely asking what is going on in their lives. When something happens, people forget their decisions and wonder – “why didn’t you stop me?” It is difficult for a cleric to inculcate goodness without crossing the line.
At one time, I was eager to stop a person from dying. It didn’t always work out. Sometimes a person suspected me of something because I was crying. I said, “I just don’t want you to die. I don’t need anything from you.” But the man did not believe it, he suspected where it suddenly came from and what such an eager desire to help meant. As my husband said: “Sometimes you want to help so much that if I were the person you’re trying to help, I’d be suspicious of you.”
Each mentor is limited. He is limited by human desire and openness. Sometimes people come to the pastor and ask him pray: “Let God reveal”. You have to take responsibility for your family. Our duty is to advise. People come and talk about anything except what hurts them.
Our church’s probationary conditions did not arise from a good life. If anyone thinks that we had nothing else to do and therefore we decided to toughen things up, believe me, this decision did not come from a good life, but from suffering and crying. It is important not to look for culprits. After all, this is our life, we have to live it and be responsible for it.
Answered by Boris Grisenko: The last straw that filled our cup of patience to overflowing and forced us to establish such a trial period was the wedding and subsequent divorce of a family in our parish. Our brother had certain mental and psychological problems. He was a very good minister, God delivered him from many things and healed him. But some problems remained, which could worsen later in family life. The sister was also a “shrewd young lady” so to speak. At that time we had no probationary period and no rules. I knew our brother’s problems. He confessed these problems to me and I prayed for him.
I met them, I asked the sister first of all and also hinted: “Are you ready for difficulties in your future life together?” The sister replied that she was ready. I asked my brother: “Brother, are you ready?” But my brother wasn’t completely ready yet, and I suggested: “Let’s postpone the wedding for three months.” The sister refused. She agreed to postpone the wedding for a maximum of a month. Well. Towards the end of the month we had another conversation and I asked again: “Sister, have you noticed any problems?” She replied that she had noticed something. “Are you sure you can handle it?” She was sure she could do it. The brother was willing to wait, but the sister was not. They postponed the wedding for another month. Then they got married, then these problems appeared, then this sister came to us and said: “How could you not warn me and stop me?!” It’s good that she came with her friend, who had been to one of our conversations before. The sister’s friend assured that she had been warned about marriage problems.
After this story, we decided to establish a probationary period with certain conditions. After the introduction of the trial period, the proportion of unhappy marriages decreased significantly. It was greatly reduced! Those churches that do not have a trial period are in great danger.
One more conclusion. In counselling, especially in a family counselling, it is very important when decisions are involved, even if you are not giving direct advice but discussing what decisions to make, it is important that someone else is present. Every time a person makes a decision against the Bible, no matter how good and kind they are, but when they do it, they start looking for someone to blame afterwards. And then it is very important to have a person next to you who confirms that you did not participate in making this wrong decision.
Seminar “About this” at the KEMO retreat, 01.06.2015
Source: https://ieshua.org/pro-eto-problemnye-braki-ispytatelnye-sroki-i-vot-eto-vsyo.htm
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