Attention! Dangerous friendship!

Cara seemed to have everything that Maddy lacked: composure, excellent communication skills, firm conviction. Maddy was insecure, awkward and disorganized. Each week, they watched their kids’ practice runs on the soccer field. Thus their friendship grew stronger and flourished. Maddy immensely enjoyed communicating with Cara, feeling the harmony and fullness of life. If the outgoing Cara was around, her confidence grew.

When Kara revealed that her husband had found a job in a distant place, Maddy found it difficult to contain her despair. How to live now without a best friend !?

To whom do I belong?

At the end of a long day, Leslie walked into the dorm room and breathed a sigh of relief. She did not feel the warmth of home comfort with anyone as she did with her roommate. They met only six months ago; Allison seemed to be the only person who loved Leslie the way she was. It seemed that even her father and mother had never understood her that way. Finding so much joy in their friendship, they really enjoyed staying in the room together all day: they talked, shared their hopes and dreams, and watched their favorite programs.

Leslie and Allison were almost always together. People joked that they were inseparable, but the girls were not annoyed with such ridicule: they rejoiced at this reminder that they were inseparable friends.

Purpose and goal

Shelby had been a spiritual mentor in the church for a number of years, but when she turned thirty she felt that most of the younger members did not want her to mentor them. Perhaps they were afraid that her loneliness would be passed on to them. When Ashley asked to meet her for a cup of coffee, Shelby jumped for joy. Ready to learn, Ashley eagerly listened and accepted everything she shared with her. After all, how wonderful it is to find someone who is willing to listen and does not consider your loneliness a disease! Soon Ashley became her bosom friend, protege, younger sister.

When one guy asked Shelby out on a date, she realized: a wind of change was coming. For the first time, she hesitated to accept the offer, but not because of her character, but because she was afraid to harm her relationship with Ashley. She was afraid of losing friendship more than losing loneliness.

This has gone way too far!

What do these stories have in common? In each case, the friend has become more than she should be. Cara was not just a friend – she became Maddy’s other half. Allison was more than just a roommate – for Leslie, she became a refuge for the soul. Ashley was not just a person to take care of for Shelby, she became a goal and a purpose in life. These are examples of friendships that have gone too far.

Almost at the beginning of the Book of Jeremiah, God explains how His people, hardened their necks in their faults and left Him:
“For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living water, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that cannot hold water” (Jeremiah 2:13).

How accurately God describes us when we are broken: He offers us living water, but we would rather, on our own terms, meet our needs on our own amd carve broken reservoirs from what is available to us! We see two categories of rescuers: God as a source of living water and broken reservoirs, that is, everything that is not Him. Only One source can quench your thirst – no one and nothing else, including our best friends, will bring us nothing but disappointment.

You may be aware of your desire to find contentment in your spouse, children, money, food, work, or home, but many of us assume that the friends described above are unable to succumb to such temptation. Since friendship with people of the same sex is necessary for maintaining spiritual health, it is easy to assume that it does not pose a threat to our walk with God.

Reject the worldly model

The destruction of the family institution and the blurred boundaries of gender and sexuality are gradually depriving our society of stability. What can you rely on if sexual preferences are constantly changing and marital and family relationships become precarious? In such circumstances, friendship becomes especially valuable. Generally speaking, the secular model of “Best Friends Forever” is a good deliverer: someone you spend time with and to whom you belong, and to whom tou are “forever” dedicated, who saves you from instability and life’s turmoil.

Followers of Christ find a lot of good in friendship, but you will not find sober self-esteem and security there! As harmless as it may seem, it is dangerous to allow not God, but people to become a reason for your peace of mind and heart’s joy! There is one and only Source of living water. No, this is not your girlfriend with whom you want to stay together forever. Don’t let the voices of this world convince you that idolatrous friendships are normal, harmless, and desirable. The grenade also seems harmless – until you pull the pin out.

Unfortunately, there are many women who have received scars from tsuch friendships; I have communicated with them. Considering such relationships as normal, they, without hesitation and doubt, throw themselves into destructive sin.

Warning signs

How to know if your friendship is like that and the heart that should belong to God belongs to another person?

Read the following thoughts and consider your relationship:
* You feel jealous when your friend spends time with other people.
* You think that your friend belongs to you.
* You prefer to spend time with your friendand feel frustrated when others join your conversation.
* You are not interested in friendship with other people.
* You don’t really want to meet new friends.
* You don’t want to or dare to make short- and long-term plans in which your friend is not involved.
* Expressing your friend’s opinion to others makes you feel at ease.
* You avoid conflicts with your friend for fear of losing a close relationship.
* You often pay for each other at a coffee shop or elsewhere and buy high-value items together.
* You often host sleepovers and sleep in the same bed.
* Often times, you flatter and praise each other. (You say, “Only you understand me!” Or “What would I do without you? I can’t imagine!”)
* When communicating with your friend, you use nicknames or your special language.
* You both act like a couple.
* People perceive you as inseparable friends.
* Often times you ask your friend for permission to do something.
* You sxpress sympathy by touching your friend more than other friends, doing it in a way that makes others feel uncomfortable.
* You communicate constantly (messenger, phone calls, emails).
* You think that you cannot live without this friend.
* You feel that you need her for your own good.

If you answered to any of these thoughts in the affirmative, you should think about who your friend is becoming (or has become) to you – and if she is taking the place of God. Cheer up: Jesus welcomes all who repent and return to Him and show them compassion. No matter how difficult the hardship seems, He can deliver you of any difficulty! Healing begins when we confess our sin to Christ. “If we confess our sins, then He, being faithful and just, will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1: 9).

The best friendship

If such a friendship is not correct and strong, then what kind of friendship should there be between Christians? How is Christian friendship different from worldly friendship? The main difference we see in the goal: an intimate relationship centered on Christ, not on a friend. A Christian friend needs to understand that she cannot offer you anything irreplaceable, and you sould think the same way. Holding hands you help each other climb the mountain, to the spring of Christ.

Friendship, which proceeds according to the will of God, is wonderful, because in it they magnify not each other, but Jesus. If your center and purpose in life is Jesus, talking directly to your friend is no longer painful. Seeing how he/she builds new relationships makes you feel not afraid of this, because Christ holds us. Healthy friendships fuel the desire to draw close to God and help you to rely on Him with all your heart. When we gain everything that we need in God, we gain real freedom – the freedom not to use friends for our own purposes, but to love them.

Perhaps you have allowed a friend or girlfriend to take God’s place in your heart … The Lord is ready to accept your repentance that you have used the broken wells and understand that they can never quench your thirst. Return to the Fountain of Living Water, enjoy His presence as you study the Bible, pray and visit the church where His people gather! Reject the worldly model of relationships and build friendships where fullness, contentment and the greatest happiness comes only from God through Jesus Christ!

Kelly Needham /


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