“If I ever need God, I will simply return to Him. And that day came when our son died…”

One of the things I always need to carry with me is a handkerchief. I need to have it.

That’s shameful. Sometimes I try to hide my tears…

When I was nine years old, my mother, me, my younger brother and sister got on a plane from Florida, where we lived, and flew to Philadelphia. All I knew was that I would never see my dad again because they were getting divorced.

We lived with my great aunt, my great grandmother, my cousin and of course my younger brother and sister and mother. In many ways it was a crazy family, but it was a Jewish family. We had a lot of fun. In fact, we even celebrated with a Hanukkah tree during the Christmas season.

It was necessary to go to Jewish school, it was necessary to go to Shabbat services in order to pass the bar mitzvah. And once you’ve passed the bar mitzvah, you’re free! That was my understanding.

When I was a child, anti-Semitism flourished. There were white kids with crosses that you had to be careful with. I usually ended up running in the other direction because I was bullied at my school. That is, it was so that there were Jews and there were Gentiles. Therefore, I naturally learned to stay away from the cross. And that’s why I was so curious. What is there in the New Testament that makes people behave this way?

I asked a lot of questions and learned a lot about the Scriptures, and found that the New Testament was written by Jews, which shocked me. And that Yeshua, Jesus, is essentially a Jew!

Is Jesus Jewish? Wait a minute!

The New Testament was also written by Jews. What?!

The apostles were Jews. What?!

I couldn’t believe it! Therefore, I began to read everything that fell into my hands, and learned as much as possible about it. I understood it in my head, but definitely not in my heart.

I graduated from college, completed my dental studies and then a residency in anesthesiology, which I really enjoyed. But then again, I was very busy and involved, and I remember thinking: “If I ever need God in my life, I’ll just go back to Him.”

Something happened that I couldn’t control. It was four years ago. My son Daniel is dead. He was 23 years old.

And he didn’t just die suddenly. I had to spend five days by his bed as he got worse and worse and worse. And so I had plenty of time to pray. It was completely out of my control. I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t do anything but pray. And I remembered saying to God, “If I ever need You, I’ll come back to You.” Actually, these were not exactly the words I used, but those were my thoughts.

It pushed me. I mean, I was literally on my knees. It wasn’t voluntary. And when I had to say goodbye to him, knowing that this was it… I couldn’t walk. I’m used to being in control, I’m used to coping with everything. It was something that I gave absolutely completely to God.

I asked God for a couple of things. I said: “Please, I don’t want his death to destroy my wife and my second son Isaac or my life. I saw so many people who fell victim to this.” I was just asking for His strength, for His power to just get through it.

And I also asked: “If possible, please, we need this to turn into good. Somehow, something good must come out of this. And only You can do it.”

Daniel had depression most of his life and as he grew older he found that drugs gave him temporary relief from his depression. It was sin that killed my son and sin was in the world and it just reflected sin in my life.

I have come to understand what it really means to accept Yeshua in my life. I knew I needed to kind of put my will aside and start doing God’s will.

The amazing world that I experienced would have been enough. But what He did in my life, how much he brought our family closer…

We all have grown and continue to grow, continue to be grateful and continue to thank God for His work in our lives, for making such a big difference, for making us able to rejoice.

I also have a lot more compassion for people who have experienced loss. I can sit with them and just be silent and just pray with them and offer comfort to them. On many different levels, I am truly blessed.

I am proud that Daniel made the decision to be an organ donor and give other people a continuation of life. I mean he did it while thinking about others.

And Yeshua also died, only He died voluntarily so that we could have life and have it in abundance.

No matter who we are, no matter where we are, no matter what we have done in our lives there is no sin so great that He cannot forgive.

Source: https://ieshua.org/esli-mne-kogda-to-ponadobitsya-bog-ya-prosto-vernus-k-nemu-i-etot-den-nastal-kogda-umer-nash-syn.htm

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