Her life was filled with great love and therefore the loss was felt as huge as the abyss when her Love, her support and her husband Vasily was gone. But she was able to come out of deep grief and claims that today she feels happy again. In a different more meaningful and mature way. But she firmly believes that it is possible to rejoice after loss!
Nadezhda Kondratyuk reveals a unique formula of female happiness, in which, like on a Ukrainian shirt, black and red threads are intertwined – like sorrow and love.
Nadezhda tells her story of love and loss:
“I met my future husband and realized that it is comfortable to be silent with this person, it is comfortable to live with him. The second thing he surprised me with was that he sewed his socks – warm knitted socks. And I thought, “Wow! I want such a man!”
Vasily had marfan’s syndrome. This is when the bloodvessels do not hold their shape, and the aorta stretches with every heartbeat. He did not know about it, but, having learned about the illness, Vasily did not change anything in his life – it was his choice, and I respected him in this. He wanted to continue to live fully, he did not even apply for a disability.
The Psalms and God was my help because I was learning to trust God. And when my husband passed away, I didn’t feel guilty and ashamed that I didn’t do something for him that I should have done. What I felt was always in my hands, words and in my behavior. And it has always been true.
I don’t know how to describe my feeling other way than real humility before God – in the understanding that it’s time to let go … Emotions? Of course, there were emotions. It was necessary to learn to live, realizing that he was not here, and would no longer be there, that he would no longer hug me and say “sweetheart”. It was necessary to understand that there are children, and they also need to learn to live with it.
I know where Vasily is, I know it quite clearly. I was with my husband for 24 years, and now I have begun the transition – when I was left without him, and I need to understand who I am, what I am, and who I am with my God.
That I feel completely complete, mature, strong, loving and protected by my God is that transition. I wish everyone to be themselves, find themselves and know God! And by knowing Him, you will know yourself.
I am a mother, a widow, a woman. I am grateful for all the experience that I have had. I have high hopes for the future, but I live here and now and enjoy every day and what I have today.”
What is a female happiness?
The first component of my female happiness and my happiness in general is to be myself. Often, for some reason, people see happiness as a car, an apartment, a figure, a good job and a big income. Yes, this is also important, but – I will tell you a big secret – happiness cannot be found from the outside, it is inside. And you can’t take it from anyone, you can only have your own, and you can share it with someone like candy.
What does it mean to be yourself? For example, if I am among people who insult my Ukraine, then I will immediately say: “Listen, in my presence we do not talk about this. I respect your opinion, but I don’t allow you to speak disparagingly of my values in my presence.” This is an honor, dignity and an opportunity for me to be myself.
The second component of happiness is to do good where you can do it, and in the way you can do it in the situation in which you find yourself.
When you buy sausages or cheese in the supermarket late at night, and give a compliment to a tired cashier, wish her all the best, you see how her eyes light up in response. It also means to do good. I know for sure that her mood will be different after that.
It’s like happiness: if we give good, good will be around us. If we give comfort, warmth, attention, love and emotions – all this will be around. If we start giving away negativity, manipulations, accusations they will come back.
The woman is created multifunctional. She has a unique ability to truly be everything to everyone. It is very easy for a woman to give.
The third component is to live here and now.
Is it possible to be truly happy without something important, like a family?
Family is an integral but not essential part of happiness. Unfortunately, it often happens that there is no family. But you can be happy simply because you exist, you have what you have, and you can do what you do. And you have friends, and you just breathe today. This is such a way to yourself, and you must be able to accept your desires, understanding “who I am, what I am.” It won’t come all at once, it won’t be taught in school. This is not even given to you in the family.
What helps you stick to this happiness formula?
The One Who helps me live and the One I live by is faith in Heavenly Father. God does not send any troubles or misfortunes, He does not give me anything bad, but God is always aware of what is happening to me. Therefore, everything that comes into my life, I perceive as His will, the will of the Good God.
How to start returning to a sense of happiness after you have experienced emotional or physical loss?
Let’s start by accepting what happened. It won’t be easy. You will be overcome by a variety of emotions – from incredible despair to anger at the person who left you. As for me, in this state there is no need to rush anywhere. Accept it as a process and that it will take about two years. Accept it, let it go, don’t be afraid to express your emotions. Here, just find people who will support you – honestly, for real.
And then you have to live on. And your personal happiness formula will help with this. I strongly advise that it be self-acceptance, the desire to do good and the ability to live here and now. And everything will definitely work out!