“It was the same fish that I saw in a dream!”

At school, I never considered myself beautiful or slim. They always laughed at me, they sang songs about it. “Daniela is fat! Ha ha ha! Daniela is a freak.”

At the end of each day, they would surround me and take turns spitting on me. They said: “You’re scary”, “You’re fat.”

My parents knew about it and the teachers knew. My friends probably knew too, but none of them did anything, none of them tried to change anything. They just ignored it. And it didn’t stop. It went on for about six years, from first grade… And it really hurt. I felt just… just unloved. In all senses.

All this loneliness I felt and the lack of love and pain from everyone around me just made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of all. I just wanted to disappear. I had thoughts about how it is to die, and how to kill myself. “If I jump out of there right now, will I just break my leg or… or will this… will this be my end?”

When I was in the seventh grade, I had a dream and in that dream there was – there was a fish, the image of a fish. And behind her stood a figure in the light, who was saying something. This dream was repeated again and again and again and again. This fish was special, because I was sure that there must be something about it on the Internet. I googled “fish”. I was sure that I would discover a whole new world. I found Nemo, but nothing more.

The year when I had this dream, my mom met some new guy and decided to live with him. Then I was asked the question: Who do I want to live with? Who do you love more? Dad or mom?

One way or another, it was decided that I would live with my mother, this brought my dad a lot of pain and led to a conflict. And the day it was decided, my dad took me outside. We sat down on the grass in the garden. There was this olive tree. And he lay down and just said to me: “As far as I understand, you don’t have a dad anymore.”

Up to this point, my dad was the kind of person you admire when you’re little. He knew absolutely everything… He studied philosophy, he taught at the university, and he knew mathematics well. He always had an answer to every question. And suddenly he stopped being like that… All my admiration for this man was destroyed, which made me feel even more alone.

And then we moved to a new house, to a new school. Suddenly, at one point, I was in a new class. They began to communicate with me and they accepted me as much as possible. I had many friends, there were even guys who were interested in me.

Then, in eighth grade, my best friend fell in love with Nathaniel. He was such a quiet guy in class, an introvert. He was very shy when he was with girls. “You must talk to him!” “Why?” Because she liked him. “OK”.

We met him and became very good friends. He always looked somehow different, nicer. He was a real gentleman. And I couldn’t understand why it was so different.

During the annual trip in eighth grade, we were a group of several people sitting in one of the boys’ rooms. I sat on the bed next to the pillow. Suddenly I felt something hard under my pillow. I took it out – it was a book. I looked at the cover and flipped through it. Suddenly I saw a fish! The same fish from my dream! The fish I didn’t recognize.

I got very excited. And I asked: “Whose book is this?” And they told me it was Nathaniel’s book.

At that moment, my heart began to beat violently. Two hundred beats per minute. It’s that fish! The fish that I saw a year ago in a dream.

After a while, I decided to ask him: “What is special about you?” I saw a fish. This fish drove me crazy. But I asked, “What’s special about you?” Then he told me that he was a Messianic Jew.

What is a “Messianic Jew”? I’ve never heard of this before. Then he began to explain to me that he believed in Yeshua and that Yeshua died for us, died on the cross for our sins.

I did not understand what he was talking about, but I was so interested that I wanted to read about it.

And so after that conversation, I began to read the New Testament. I got to the chapter that talks about love, perfect love, love that we as humans cannot give to each other. And in just one moment, as after pressing the button, I was lit up, and my eyes were opened, I saw how much God loves me, I saw that I am loved, and that God loves me so much that He gave His Son for me to I could receive the remission of sins.

And I understood everything. I realized that the Lord loves me, and that was what I always lacked – to be loved.

What struck me the most about Yeshua is that He never sought to be with ideal people, with those who are doing well. But He came to find the weak. He came for the weak and for the sinners, to help us, to give us the love we need.

Ultimately, all of us, each of us, we are weak, even if we have a lot of money, or if we are accepted by society, each of us still has something in life that is broken. And we all need love in this. And this is where the love of Yeshua comes to us.

Source: «Это была та самая рыба, которую я видела во сне!» (ieshua.org)

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