Question and answer “ABOUT THIS”: Is it possible that THIS will not happen?

Sergey Stakhov: Actually, this is a very serious question. It depends on what position you are in. And everything does not depend on you. If you are a 60-year-old man or a 30-year-old girl and at the same time you are already married, it is not possible – according to the Bible it says – do not deny yourselves to one another. Another case is when God blessed you with the so-called vow of celibacy. This means that if you don’t have a confirmed revelation that you will live the rest of your days in celibacy, so to speak, then please – take a wife, marry a man and do “it” so to speak, and God bless you for it.

Boris Grisenko: The New Testament differs significantly from the Old Testament in this. And the New Testament says more than once that different people have different talents. Who knows, if you are single, it may happen that God really wants you to stay single at least for a while, and it is quite possible.

There is some extremism in the Protestant churches, from the extremes of the Catholics and Orthodox, who deliberately put monks above the married. Also, among the Catholics, not all priests have the right to marry, and among the Orthodox, only monks can be bishops. This is certainly extreme and unbiblical. But we do not condemn it, we take it into account, we respect the rules and traditions of the respective churches, but it is clear that it is not written anywhere in the Bible.

So, starting from this extreme, the Protestant churches went slightly to the opposite extreme. In Protestant churches, it has become uncomfortable for brothers and sisters, especially sisters, to be single for long periods of time. This is the other extreme because it actually creates an atmosphere where people feel that they are not really full believers, much less worshipers, unless they are married. This is completely contrary to the New Testament, because in the New Testament, both in the Gospels and in the 7th chapter of the letter to the Corinthians, it is said in great detail that in principle it is better to remain single, but if one cannot do otherwise, one should marry. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Or it is written – especially if you have the gift to be married, then it is not talked about, but even if you have not realized this gift, but it is very difficult for you to stay that way, then it is completely normal – you have to get married.

This is a serious problem and opens many Protestant communities to pressure from the outside world, which creates a sense of inferiority not only in front of believers, but also in front of non-believing relatives and friends. The mother continues to push: “Look how old you are! Yes, your friends got married, divorced, remarried, and now they’re getting divorced again. Divorce is normal these days!.. They already receive three alimonies! But you!… You will wait for the prince…” And when the daughter also says: “Yes, mother, I’m not even sure that I should get married at all.” “What did you say? A fanatic! The sectarians have made you a fool…” And the mother goes to the famous mountain to remove the “crown of celibacy” (a common superstition according to which serious and long-term problems in relations with the opposite sex arise as a result of a curse, the evil eye or a special magical ritual). If it doesn’t work out on the mountain, she goes to witches and mages. This is a real problem! Such pressure is…

If some sisters from the community or congregation alsohave friends in the world who also say: “Hey, you’re missing out on the most important thing in life. You can’t imagine – that’s the main thing in life.” “What is important?” – “Well, all this!” This affects many sisters. It’s just pressurizing.

There is another problem – among teenagers from religious families and young people from religious families who study with non-believers, communicate with non-believers, it feels as if they are being laughed at: the young sisters are being laughed at because they have not yet started “this”. They laugh at the young brothers because they do not talk about their “achievements”. Some of them develop complexes, they want to look the same in front of their peers. This is a serious problem in many religious families and not only in Ukraine, Russia or Belarus, but all over the world – it is the pressure of youth culture and the world.

It is very important for believers to be immersed in God’s Word, for their children to be in God’s Word, and for God’s Word to be alive and active, for them to understand that if they are single, if they are not married, as long as they have it, this gift and advantage of God, not only an advantage that makes them superior to others, but an advantage in devotion to God and in His service. That is exactly what the Word says about it.

On the other hand…I recently got a call from a country – the person in charge of a ministry said that there is a family in their ministry – they are husband and wife, but they don’t live as husband and wife, and the husband has very big problems because of it, but they still don’t live together like a man and a woman. So what to do? They have decided for themselves not to live as husband and wife, but the husband has problems because of that … Another family is a newlywed couple who have lived in the same apartment, in different rooms, without touching each other for three years. It seems that this is the truth and not their stories because the father of the bride has not yet given his permission for their marriage. There are two such odd couples in one ministry. Both are very strange.

If you are already married, according to the Word of God, you can only temporarily abstain from intimate relations for some spiritual, especially intense time of prayer, such as prayer or fasting. But then these relations have to be renewed. It is so clearly written that there is nothing to add. On the other hand, if you are a newlywed couple and hesitate to get married, then you do not need to live together and create wild tension around you and overcome the flesh that you have ignited before. No need for super mental twists here. Everything should be much easier and clearer according to God’s Word.

Seminar “About this” at the KEMO retreat, 25.08.2015


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