Should I rirst solve my problems, and then look for shiduh?

Hello! I am 31 years old. I have never been married or in a relationship. I am not very sociable, and in my whole life I had few friends, and if I did, then with those who themselves wanted to communicate with me. I tried to go to shiduh (Jewish dating for serious purposes), but either the guy was not interested, or I didn’t feel that this person would suit me as a husband, I felt that I would be uncomfortable with this person.

It is very important for me to find a person who suits me, who is interesting to me, with whom I can communicate well and who will understand and support me. I have had deteriorating vision since childhood. And about two years ago, retinal detachment began and several operations were needed.

I’m trying to study for a profession, but this is also a problem. During Covid, I tried to find additional income opportunities, did social media design courses and others. To pay the expenses, I got into a loan (about 5,000 euros), but I was afraid to look for clients to work off the money and repay the loan. I have a slight social phobia.

Although in my free time I help my community on Saturdays and holidays and friends (they sometimes give me the opportunity to earn money). The question is, can I now look for shiduh? Or deal with a loan, learn how to cook, etc.? N.


Answered by Rika Gdalevich

Hello N!

From your letter, an image of a girl crammed with various kinds of problems emerges – “a sociophobe, an unhealthy physically and psychologically person with financial problems, a half-educated student …” If you see yourself like this, those around you will see you the same way.

Try changing your angle of view.

You are a girl who, at the age of 31, managed to save herself from the impurities of this world. Who, by and large, in her life has had no disappointments, betrayals, forced or unknowingly killed children, dramatic situations from which one wants to escape into the world of dreams. This is to say the least.

You are a happy person, before whom the world of miracles, love, warmth, mutual understanding is open.

And, of course, it is important to go to shiduh as soon as possible. Don’t expect anything.

Learn to cook? What if God sends you a chef with a Michelin star as your husband?

Deal with a loan? And if for your future chosen one 5,000 euros of credit is the same as for Abramovich 5,000 rubles?

In short, go ahead! Meet with new people. Put up with the fact that for 10 of his advantages there will definitely be 5 disadvantages. Be flexible. Look for the good, someone with a good character. Everything else is a bonus.

Invite me to thewedding!

Sincerely,

Rika Gdalevich

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