Sarah is in her forties and has always dreamed of a family, but she is single and her chances of starting a family are slim. Tim loves children and would love to be a father, but he struggles with same-sex attraction and so boldly chose celibacy. Christy dreams of a home full of children, but she suffers from a chronic illness that leaves her not only physically unable to have children, but would be unable to even care for them. Mark’s wife categorically does not want to have children, so he is depressed and disappointed, being one of six children in the family and he himself would like to become a father to as many children.
What do Sarah, Tim, Christy and Mark have in common? They want to have children, but God said no. At least for now.
I am a married man who would also like to have children. But God said no. He said no to biological children, adoption and guardianship. I had difficulty moving forward. By moving forward, I don’t mean “reluctantly plod along, experiencing fits of anger at God who has left me in some way.” I mean to prosper as a faithful and joyful servant of God.
How should I do it? How can you do it? How could you advise anyone else to do this? There is no formula that fits every person in every circumstance, but I want to offer a few tricks that have helped me along the way.
Call out
When the Lord “closed up” Hanna’s womb (1 Samuel 1:5), how did she react? She grieved. She cried out in desperation. She “wept bitterly” (verse 10). But the bottom line is that she turned to God. She did not hold back the pain within herself, but, on the contrary, complained to the One who caught her tears (Psalm 56:9).
Are you doing the same? Your loving Father wants you to be yourself with Him, without defensive armor, real. He wants you to tell Him about your grief. He wants you to call on Him. He will catch your tears. He will hold you in His arms and comfort you (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
Ask
If you want children, don’t be afraid to ask God for them. After all, He is responsible for every biological birth, every child adopted or taken into custody (Ephesians 1:11). Hanna prayed unceasingly for her son, and the Lord graciously gave her Samuel.
Although I cannot be sure that God will grant your request for a child, I do know that He wants to hear your request (Philippians 4:6). So pray. Ask for children. Ask boldly. But, ask with open arms, placing your future in the hands of a loving Father. Believe me, if He says no, it will be for good reasons beyond your understanding. Believe me, His answer is the answer you would want if you knew what He knows. Trust me, “no” is as much of a blessing as “yes.”
Reject the lie that you are inferior to others
If you are like me, you will be tempted to feel inferior because of your childlessness. Unfortunately, the church is often unable to help in this matter, forcing single people or childless couples to feel like second-class citizens. But you are not.
After all, Jesus was unmarried and childless. Paul was single and childless, and extolled loneliness as a noble and preferred way of life for ministers (1 Corinthians 7:8). Childlessness does not make you worse than others. Follow Paul’s example and reject this lie.
Redefine your mission
I will be frank. When I realized that Abby and I would not have children, I took it badly. For many years I was angry with God, with myself and even with those who had children. However, in the end, I realized that I had a choice. I could either spend the rest of my life in bitter resentment, or, with God’s help, redefine my life mission to one that excludes raising children.
By the grace of God, I went down this path. I spent most of my time in counseling those who were suffering. I continued to study theology. Abby and I started a small group at our church for singles and childless couples. In other words, the time and energy that I would have spent caring for my children, I chose to use for the benefit of God’s children who were not mine personally.
Maybe you should do the same? You may be able to lead a prayer group, Bible study, or small group in your church. You may be able to make regular short-term service trips; or maybe you should think about a long-term mission. You may be able to volunteer at an adoption or foster care center. Think about how the time you would spend raising your children could be used to develop your relationship with Jesus and find opportunities to serve Him.
Take a look at the heavens
When moments of particular desperation consume you, pause and reset your vision. Turn your attention away from this childless life – “a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14) – to the eternal life that lies ahead.
Keep your eyes on the new heaven and a new earth (Revelation 21:1-7), where none of God’s people will raise little children and all will joyfully praise Him. Everything will be new. Everything will be great. God will be our Father, we will be His children, and we will all be one family. Nothing else will matter.
Author: Steve Hoppe / thegospelcoalition.org
Source: https://ieshua.org/kogda-bog-reshaet-ne-davat-vam-detej.htm
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