“I’m already 30, I’ve been dating a guy for a year, but there is no hint of any proposal!” What can you advise Ariella in her situation?
Dear Rachel!
I have been dating a young man for a year, and I am writing this letter to you at the peak of my anger at him! You will probably ask why. I am already thirty years old, and I am ready for married life, but it does not particularly show that he is in a hurry somewhere. We’ve been arguing about this endlessly for at least six months now. He keeps saying that he wants to get married and take on new obligations, but no proposals appear on the horizon. He was engaged twice, but broke up with those girls under the pretext that they were not good enough for him. In general, no matter what I say, he stubbornly insists that he loves me. So why doesn’t he want to marry me?!
Thank you and waiting for your reply
Ariella.
Dear Ariella, hello!
You’re asking the most standard question in the non-reciprocal relationship class! Mazal Tov! At the end of the article, you will receive a prize hidden behind door #3…
Your question is so popular that I can publish the answer in a little book. But I will try to save both your and my time and write the answer as concise and useful as possible. First: you’ve been dating him for a year. Would it be correct to assume that your relationship is open to the intimate side as well? In this case, even before you become his wife, you provide your boyfriend with all the bonuses that should be kept only for marriage. So where is he in a hurry and what else does he need to know about you?
Moreover, if you also live together, which means that you do laundry, wash dishes, clean the house, cook breakfast, dinner and put his fragrant-smelling shoes in a shoebox, where you allocated about 5% for your things … It turns out that you’re still giving him 24-hour housekeeper bonuses with added benefits. Ariella, everything is served to this guy on a silver saucer. Why should he introduce himself into the feeling of being “bound”? Why would he care about Huppah 2 and marital responsibility when he already has you, faithfully serving for nothing?
Unfortunately, your position is not much different from that of most young unmarried couples. It has become the norm to live together for years in an attempt to get used to and find out if they are suitable for each other enough to sign a “contract of mutual slavery.” I don’t get it, isn’t it a pity? Such a behavior robs a marriage of its romance and beauty.
In reality, such a prospect is unfortunate in all respects. Perhaps living together is fun and carefree, but this is only the beginning, at some point Cinderella begins to experience internal pressure and the need for officially certified courtship from Prince Charming. Those who do not live together experience the same thing. You gave him a year of your life! A whole year of giving, attention, what you might call “love.”
What does he give you in return? In short, nothing. Open your eyes, Ariella. He was engaged not once – two whole times! And he hangs the blame for the breakup on the former girls – he says that the problem was in them. Maybe his pride just won’t let him talk about it any other way?
So here is my opinion based on years of intensive research and consultation in this area. If he doesn’t marry you, don’t take it personally. He may say that he loves you, but to be honest, I think that he does NOT love you. Because the way to show someone that you love them is to dedicate your life to them. So if he doesn’t get married, he’ll just say that he doesn’t love you (enough to) spend the rest of his life with you.
My advice? Move on. But do not take just any man. Now you will have a wonderful opportunity to get the guy you deserve and not someone who is looking for “free” entertainment.
And now… Question! Where can you find such a guy? Very simple. Ask for it! You know, most people believe in God, but they think that He is somewhere far away (probably in the clouds) and does not take a direct part in our lives. But it’s not like that. The Almighty is next to you, and right now He is taking care of you breathing, your heart is beating and also, He revives the whole world every moment. When you really think about it, the world around you will change 180 degrees.
Since He directly controls our lives, He wants us to know that He is with us in every situation. He wants us to talk to Him, just as we talk to a close friend. Ariella, now you have the opportunity not only to find your true half, but also the opportunity to build a close connection with the Creator of the World.
Speak to the Creator at any time you can, all day long! If you can’t, then you definitely need to set aside full-fledged time for this conversation. And ask Him for everything what you need. Tell Him what’s going on in your heart. I promise you – He listens and hears.
Trust me, this guy did you a favor by not marrying you. Now, only thanks to this, you will embark on the path of spiritual awareness of things, gratitude and on the path of blessing from Above in everything that your heart desires.
Oh, yes, you probably want to know what the prize is behind door number 3? So, you won a NEEEWWW CAAAR!” (And your sweet Prince Charming:)
Best wishes,
Rachel
Source: Почему он не женится на мне?! – Breslev
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